saint_corvid | Recent Entries

I broke down. I gave in.

I joined a dating site.

God help me.

My first legit relationship with someone ended early last May, which gave me the unique position of being able to say I've been dumped for Jesus(he went into the seminary). That entire relationship was a freak accident- I happened to meet him at the restaurant I worked at, which he almost didn't show up to because he couldn't find it, on a day I was considering calling off. I also just happened to get my friend's table(he was part of her group) in my section, otherwise we still wouldn't have met. This was the first relationship I'd been in since junior high. I don't think I need to go into any further detail for you to get that I suck at this kind of thing to begin with.

I'm not a terribly social person, I'm embarrassingly shy and awkward around people I don't know, I don't have many real-life friends since most of them left the state for school, and I'm usually not in a good enough financial state to be able to run out to the bars on the weekends and I can't stand nightclubs. So... okcupid became an option. Meh.

I had high hopes at first, especially because a day after I made my profile someone messaged me and we began talking pretty regularly. He seemed very charming, polite and very intelligent, and he claimed to enjoy our conversations quite a lot. Several days after this correspondence began I decided to grow a pair and be forward for once, and sent him a text asking if he'd like to meet in town and grab coffee. We met, we talked for awhile, wandered around the city, and there were a handful of awkward moments on my part but it seemed to go well overall. We parted ways, the next day I sent a message his way thanking him for the evening... he responded 2 days later... I responded to that message...

Haven't heard from him since. This was 6 days ago. Went from multiple messages a day and him even apologizing if he couldn't write back at his normal speed, to... nothing once we'd met.

What the hell did I do?!

I've been outgoing enough- and this is actually "outgoing" for me- to send people messages on the site, just saying hi and expressing an interest in getting to know them... haven't heard back from a damned one. I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm doing wrong, but my god, I must be transforming it into an art.

Its 3:30 AM, I'm on my 6th cup of tea in the past 5 hours, I have to be at work at 8:30... sleep isn't happening tonight.

The good news is I did get another job- I was hired on the spot at the book store! I started last Monday and so far, so good. Everyone who works there seems very nice and of the nerdy and twisted-humored variety(big bonus), its a full-time position like the last job, and there's the added awesomeness of paid vacation days. I win! There are 2 8-hour shifts, one that starts at 8:30 and one that starts at 1:30, with just a bit of overlap between the two. My night-owl self very much enjoys the 1:30 shift despite it eating up the entire day... I don't care if everything is closed and there's nowhere to go once I leave work, I'm perfectly content puttering around the house entertaining myself til 4 AM. x)

Also, since there was no update- the hearing on the 13th went... okay. No one is going to jail on a lie, so I guess that can be considered a win. He did actually lose the case(and this boggles my mind to this day), but due to circumstances- like an astounding lack of evidence since, y'know, nothing actually happened- the only thing he got slapped with was anger management classes. In the grand scheme of things I guess that's not such a bad outcome. I just hope he wises up, realizes the implications of that little debacle and makes a final decision concerning what to do about her and his daughter. He can either continue to put up with this manipulative bullshit, he can fight for custody or he can just lay all his cards on the table and walk away altogether. I know he won't choose option 3 because while its honestly the best option, he will refuse at any cost to let go of a chance to see his daughter and be some part of her life. I can't blame him at all for this, but its not every day someone's psychopathic ex gets them sent to jail for closing a door. Its not every day you potentially get another record added to your name because you refused to let someone else harass you at your own residence, which they showed up to unannounced and uninvited. This is just one of many, many, many similar incidents. How long can someone put up with this?

Well, the tea is done and thus so is this late night stream-of-consciousness. Hopefully sometime soon I can get out of the house and wander a bit- I've been meaning to get back downtown and take pictures. Then I'll at least have something interesting to post up here! xD We shall see where the next several days take me.

I badly need to clean, and then maybe I'll take random pictures around here, because its too cold to stand outside without gloves on and take pictures anywhere else. I also need to finally sort through my clothes, go through all my drawers and little boxes and stuff and start being objective about getting rid of things, because my god, my room alone looks like a child's. The rest of this place is not much better.

Since its Valentine's day I'll say at least one thing that's actually relevant: The modern heart symbol we have looks nothing like a real, anatomically correct heart, and many people wonder why.

Its interesting to consider that two human hearts pushed together, each turned so that the broader, rounder side is facing outward, roughly makes the shape of that symbol.

MIND BLOWN.

Creepy, wonderful knowledge for every holiday. You can find it here.

Now I'm going to take a shower and continue my stellar record of doing nothing. I'm somewhere in the middle of several books at the moment and its about time I finally actually finished one... tonight may just be the night!

Well, I can attest to this weekend having gone better than the last- this one was spent with lovely acquaintances and 2 old friends in a drum circle. Everyone had those big African drums, and unfortunately since no one else brought any other instruments and I didn't just want to sit there, I tried my hand at it despite having no idea what I'm doing. xD Though admittedly being a bit high at the time(as was everyone) helped to quell the stage-fright, for lack of a better term, hehehe.

The experience is amazing, and honestly a bit intense. These guys are all pros and work with and off each other while playing flawlessly, its quite a thing to behold. It was entirely improv, but no one really ever messed up or slipped out of rhythm, and its as if everyone was in perfect sync with each other- rhythm changes happened instantly and near simultaneously and everyone always fit together without a hitch. I was mostly counting on everyone else being too loud to hear me just kind of pattering away, haha. Though there was one particular incident where I apparently just zoned out for an indeterminate amount of time- I was "there," but it was more like I had taken a conscious back seat and was just observing from a distance, if that makes sense(which it probably doesn't). I was there but not. All I know is I finally snapped back into reality and I was playing like a motherfucker. Its like I was possessed. And of course once I became aware of this, for the life of me I couldn't keep it up. I tried many times throughout the night and just failed every time- I'd slip up or play too soft or just mess up every time I got a decent pattern going... it was very strange. xD But the night as a whole was very energizing and TONS of fun. I really hope this happens again sometime soon and I happen to be invited back.

I also have an interview at a bookstore nearby later today. I applied there nearly a year ago and was interviewed then too, but they didn't pick me. It was funny, I decided to stop up there a few days ago, found a few books I wanted, and it just so happened that the manager who had interviewed me was at the register. Somehow he recognized me and remembered I had applied, and mentioned that they were hiring again if I was still looking. I've been wanting to get out of my current job for months now, so I jumped at the chance and another interview was set up right on the spot! Weird how things work sometimes. Wish me luck this time around, I need it! I like the people I work with at the thrift store, but I can't stand my managers or the general work environment, its infuriating. For the sake of my sanity, I need a new job. xD Cross your fingers.

Like many people, I hate my job(I work in the back rooms of a thrift store). I walked into it with good vibes, and those got destroyed almost immediately by my managers, who are the most biased, disorganized and incompetent spewers of bullshit I have ever met to date. However, most of the other people I work with are awesome and completely insane, which doesn't really balance it out but it helps. xD I often get involved in, or at least overhear some very bizarre conversations- overhearing them is actually better, because its often just little snippets and the total lack of context added to an already insane statement just makes everything funnier.

For no real reason, every so often I make a list of all the ridiculous things I can remember talking about or overhearing walking around over the course of a week or so. Occasionally weird things people do also get thrown in. I did this over on LJ, and I'm continuing it here! Here be the latest results:

"The toaster was wearing a dress."

"Hey, at least I wasn't a bunny!"

A particularly special moment in which one of the back room guys- a very tall, fairly big black guy- came into clothing/misc room with a 5-ft tall Elmo doll someone had just donated, and started puppeteering it around, eventually leading to him dancing with it when "Lets get it on" came on the radio.

"When are you coming in tomorrow?"
"I dunno, depends on how fucked up I get tonight."

A conversation I overheard between two little boys in the toy aisle, while they were playing with something(they seemed to be pretending there was a zombie attack or something, because they kept talking about people being bitten and getting killed xD):

Kid 1: Does this guy die?
Kid 2: Yeah, he gets bitten.
Kid 1: What about this guy?
Kid 2: Yeah, he dies too.
Kid 1: What about him?
Kid 2: No. He's got pink pants on.

Things are going nicely and not-so-nicely post surgery.

On the plus side: Much less healing time and pain due to a laparoscopic procedure. Its considerably easier to move around now than it was just 2 days ago, and it keeps getting better at that rate.
On the downside: Its still going to suck wearing real pants til these heal, and every so often I get stabbing pain just below the right side of my ribcage when I breathe/move/do anything. My body ever so kindly reminding me that something was there before that's now gone missing, and it isn't terribly happy about it.

Also on the downside: No real pain medication. I was given a very weak prescription that is essentially Tylenol by another name. Yes its a minor procedure and many patients say they felt little pain afterwards, but for some- apparently I'm among those some- it can be deeply uncomfortable for the first few days. Moot point now, but still.

Downside first this time: Even days later I still have swelling that makes me look pregnant, and small though they are, I have 4 noticeable, *very* itchy, irritating scars on my abdomen.
The upside: I fully plan on making up awesome fake stories about those later. I got shot by hobbits, dammit.

And now, for the curious and/or morbidly inclined and entertained:
( Be warned, here be a scar photo )

Originally found this on

noir_au_blanc's journal, and have seen it in a few other places as well since then. I thought it was a very creative idea that was personal and revealing without going too deep, and I thought as an introductory post, I'd try my own hand at this prompt. I didn't follow the template exactly, but I think its more a guideline than a requirement.

It is called "Where I Come From," and the template for it can be found here: http://www.swva.net/fred1st/wif.htm

I am from dollar-store horses, plastic and flocked in vivid colors only imagined on real creatures, from stuffed animals played with until they were unrecognizable and sewn back together time and time again only to be played with and loved just as roughly the next time, promising more stitches and dirt-stains to give them their character. From thinking toys came alive when you weren't looking, and could think and feel just like you and needed to be treated as such.

I am from the skinny, tall house from Victorian times, small rooms with high ceilings that somehow held countless dozens of family members on holidays and special events, with doors hidden in the walls and carved wooden banisters, eccentric wallpaper from another time and tall windows much loved by lazy cats, the lofty attic often transformed into a playground and the basement never touched from fear.

I am from red and pink roses planted with care by a woman gone long before my time, twining and melding with the sweet wooden trellis and growing upward far beyond it, dominating the tiny yard. From irises and tulips and daffodils towering over the tiny lilies of the valley, surrounding the sides of the house in a bed of rainbow hues and butterflies and wildly colored spiders, transforming the small plot in children's imaginations into jungles and forests run through barefoot by beasts real and imagined, on secret adventures and quests never spoken of.

I am from vastly different cultures connected, of Kerrs and Latourrettes and Singing Crows, of stubborn temperaments and dark humor and unconditional charity. From Christmas Eves celebrated with cheer and beer long into the next morning and wakes attended with equal parts tears and raucous laughter, of tobacco both smoked and offered in prayer and songs in many languages, sweeping salt off the porch to be rid of bad luck and special teas from grandma for many ailments.

I am from a small, not-wholly-suburban-or-rural neighborhood in a town no one's really heard of tucked away in the mountains of Pennsylvania, surrounded by deer and morning fog, the birthplace of the steel industry that has left this place in its dust, full of unparalleled history and architecture and family bonds keeping generations rooted to the spot.

I am from the First People of this land, long abused and easily forgotten by the many who call this place their home now, a carrier of traditions and stories and beliefs that nearly died but rose up again in the determination of a Nation not to be killed, an Anishinaabe, and a descendent of the Scottish war clans who fought to keep England's invaders away, battling to keep their freedom and their life intact but sadly lost. I am from my ancestors, red and white, carrying old ways taught to me by mothers and aunts and grandmothers and grandfathers, remembering those who walked before me and living to keep these ways alive for the next generation, and those long after.

Yes, I finally hopped on the bandwagon and joined Dreamwidth! Originally I was one of those people that claimed they'd never leave LJ til it was nothing but smoldering ruins, but... well, its getting pretty close to that point, honestly. I've noticed 90% of my friends list over there is inactive, and the handful that do still post only do so sparsely... I myself barely ever do anything on there anymore besides stalk communities, and all the unnecessary changes and malfunctions have just made it not worth dealing with.

I'll do an into post or something like it soon. I don't plan on transferring any posts from my old journal to here- I figure a fresh start is a good thing. :) It just may be a little while before anything of great interest pops up- I just got out of surgery Friday morning, and I'm pretty much not allowed to leave the house til next week! Abdominal surgery is quite the joy, I've discovered(I had my gallbladder taken out)... it actually wouldn't be too bad, except for the one incision just below my navel that's decided to take on full responsibility for making me miserable.

But pointless rambling aside- I hope to be more active over here than there in good time, and I hope to meet many new friends here soon. :) Don't be afraid to drop me a line!